Here is my Vow.

Today, September 15, 2010, I vow never to spank my kids again. This is my Vow to them.

I know, gasp! HORRIBLE MOM, I have spanked my kids. Boo for Renee! Whatever your opinion, I believe in spanking, or at least I did.

Today I spanked Carter. I am not sharing this news with the whole world wide web to erupt opinions and comments galore. Rather, a note to self when spanking just stopped working for this family. Carter is 4 years, 1 month old, Camden 2 years and 11 months old and spanking is no longer effective, fair or good "discipline" for them. Discipline means, in essence "to guide" or "to teach". Spanking has become punishment in our household and I, for one, don't like it. I can confidently say they don't either. I don't like how they look at me when they know it's coming and I don't like having to do it or how we all feel after. Don't get me wrong, I don't BEAT my kids, but I have swatted them on a clothed rear end more than once. Each parent has their own style, opinions and "do's and don'ts" so if you think I am awful after reading this fine, you'll be in good company, cause I think I'm awful too.

Today it was over snack. Yea I know, SNACK!#$%#! They had their choice, crackers and cheese or applesauce. Carter chose crackers, Cam applesauce. Carter opened his crackers, ate one and then spied Cam's applesauce and decided he wanted applesauce. Well, that just doesn't work in my kitchen folks. I'm not 7/11, make a choice and stick with it. I told Carter no, he had crackers, he said "after crackers then applesauce" I told him no, 1 snack was enough. Then he whined, then he cried, then he came unglued. UNGLUED. I walked away. I came back to cheese and crackers smushed, smeared and spattered. Then I came unglued. This was MY #1 MISTAKE. I am the parent right? How can I expect my kids to "behave" when I am teaching them these unpleasant behaviors. So I admit, I lost it. I marched him to his room. Put him on his bed and told him to sit! until I came back. 30 seconds later, Carter at my feet whining about applesauce. Blood beginning to boil, (MISTAKE #2) I marched him to his room again. Shut the door, and that's when all h-e-double hockey sticks broke loose. He tore his whole room apart, sheets off the bed, toys flying through the air, screaming, stomping, etc. I, being new to this apartment thing, and fearing for the complaints of the lady downstairs and not having the PATIENCE (MISTAKE #3) to clean up after said 4 year old, got pissed.... walked in his room, got hit with a flying rocket and spanked him. Spanked him for the mess, for the screaming, for the chaos. I didn't hurt him physically, but the look he gave me.... Well, that my friends, was enough. I had to walk away and hide. It was then that he carried on for another 30 minutes wailing and sobbing and slamming things. When did my 4 year old become this aggressive, angry child? When did I become such a mean parent. I didn't even talk to him, I was so irritated and upset I just became Sargent Shepherd, yelling demands, spanking!!, threatening, taking toys, on and on. I know kids need limits and guidance and standards but I need to do this in an alternate manner. This is not teaching them anything except escalating poor behavior into rotten behavior.

I left the house when Jeff got home. Drove to Barnes and Noble, plopped myself in the "self help" "parenting" "healthy disciple" aisle and read and read until my eyes watered. I will change for my kids. I will learn to be patient and strong and guiding without being mean.

So today is the end of it. I feel better already. Here is to positive disciple, not punishment. I want my kids to learn self-control not how to be controlled. I want them to want to cooperate, not be force to do so. So I am going to teach them how. Starting now. Ok, well starting tomorrow, right now, they are tucked sweetly into bed, no worse for the wear, dreaming peacefully.

So be sure to check on me tomorrow. hehe.