Mirror, Mirror on the wall......

Some days are better than others, today is not one of those days.

I aim to be a modest person. In appearance and attitude. Today I am failing.

Modesty can be described as:

n.

1. The state or quality of being modest.
2. Reserve or propriety in speech, dress, or behavior.
3. Lack of pretentiousness; simplicity.

Some of you are laughing at the thought, Renee modest? Ha. Some of you are laughing at the thought for opposite reasons. Does the word homely come to mind? Well I admit it's a struggle. Why should it even be a concern? The world is full of excess and want in every degree. Everything is available and mostly accepted. In fact, the desire to be modest is scrutinized more than the desire to cave to every lust imaginable. My point or thought comes from a recent encounter at the park, when another mother made the comment that she "also no longer has time to do her hair, make-up, paint her nails, etc" AND the ridiculous part is that I WAS ready. My hair was done, I was dressed.... this is HOW I LOOK. My appearance is not a result of laziness or "motherhood". So why not participate? Why not yield to the world and it's every whim and woe? Spiritually speaking I believe that God wants us to separate ourselves from the world and its excess. That modesty, humility, and meekness are valuable qualities not social inadequacies. This in no way means I have a perfect vision of what to or not to participate in. It also means what I do or do not shouldn't be the example for you to follow. I am not the pattern and most will know what I mean by that.

With the above laid out plainly, I will admit that I am struggling to find contentment in a wild world. My clothes aren't fitting in the upper region of my body, not just since kids, but always. Well, there's a relatively quick fix to that. 1-2 hours under the knife, 4-8 weeks of recovery and walla! a new body. I'm getting gray hair, sun spots and cellulite, Walla! there are fixes for every "problem." But the more time I spend thinking about how to "upgrade" my appearance, the further I am stray from my goal of modesty and contentment. It's not necessarily the act of sprucing myself up, it's not my hair, the dye or cut, the make up or not, the surgery, the need for a gym for more than health reasons, that I am struggling with. It's the comparison to the world, the desire to alter myself to stay mainstream, the need to "fit" in that is most complexing. A verse from 1 Peter 2:9 has been convicting this week: But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light.

Peculiar is defined as:

1. Distinct from all others.

2. Belonging distinctively or primarily to one person, group, or kind; special or unique

So I have felt like I want to fit in, but shouldn't. Now I need to feel like it's a blessing not to. I need to be peculiar. I need to be different in this world. To some this will make no sense at all, analyze it as you must. For me, It is a way to journal my life. It is also a way to hold myself accountable for what I claim to believe. A sort of balance and check to look back on and hopefully see victories in the future.